Started over coffee..

I personally love coffee, and like all other coffee lovers – spent most of my time in coffee shops. I am not a fan-fan but would probably go an extra mile just to enjoy a cup of coffee.

And I have finally found a way to enjoy it.. With someone who never ordered a coffee based drink and never had fond of drinking coffee unless he is too sleepy to finish off his task.

It was over coffee when we finally meet in person, waited for him for three hours and have been wondering why the hell am I doing that.

He came in totally late, finished his drink and we took a stroll.. We laughed, barely talked seriously, and laughed and enjoyed. It’s not a non sensible day with him, something’s different, found a good kick that I’ve been looking for a coffee.. Strong but sweet..

My coffee has kept me sane, kept me awake and apart from any dream..

Thought it could retain its strength, thought it was strong enough, to keep me up and not to fall.. asleep and dream.

Struggling mind over matter

I will suddenly stop talking and caught thinking until lost.
It’s unfair to you to worry about what is going on in my mind.
I will not tell what is happening but apparently not going any good.

We talked it over countless times. I have been trying to get the answer but never got anything that could make me feel better.
You speak against your action and it doesnt look fine.

I have accepted the consequences even before day one has started. I have foreseen this but was never ready. I am building myself up. With your love, with you, with everything that we have. But it doesnt seem to be enough not until something will still sound untrue.

I am not asking you to rush into things and I would understand it better if we had taken this slowly. I know how hard it was and will be. I am trying to understand and all I am asking is to let me.

My mind is having a hard time to take your very minimal words. I need to hear a lot to fill up all my questions. I cant barely accept your apology you dont even have an idea what you are apologizing for.

This is the struggle of being chosen that I have to be sensitive for whatever the left one is going through. Not eveyone can understand if I say I am taking twice of the pain that she has. Because I really do. I did not intend to hurt anyone. But it happened. As much as I want to ease the pain I know that there is nothing that I can do.

I am being irrational for making you suffer until now because of my temperamental. For being too weak and for not trusting your words. I judge you for what you do and take less appreciation of what you have done. I keep on comparing the things that you have done to her over what you have done for me.

I know that I cant get in to her place actually. I was searching for the same happiness I saw when you were with her. How proud and thrilled you were. But no.. I cant.. Because we’re not the  same.. and ours is different.

I’ll be okay soon, I felt better when I told you everything and I know it’ll be over. I am sorry for all the drama. I hope you would still stand by me. I am still the same girl you find strong it’s just that this time it’s different. I have you and it requires more strength ever than before.

 

 

Image

I want to be your everything

I can’t be your girlfriend at all times. You surely wouldnt want to hold hands with a monster.

I want to be the friend,  who knows you less and wants to know you more.

I want to be the bestfriend,  who knows every corner of your mind and understands how it works.

I want to be the same girl you’ll fall inlove all over again no matter how much I pisses you off.

Lastly, I want to be your everything someone who can fill up all the missing spaces in your life.

I love you.

I apologize for the drama. I just love you.

To the last man I’ll love

To the last man I’ll love,

 

I don’t want to get married..

I want you to spend your time with your friends.

Travel a lot and explore the world with them.

Check out new places and all other girls.

Go pub hopping and try all their drinks.

Do the things that you are supposed to do.

Spend the nights partying or playing poker.

Try new things like how the other gents do.

 

Buy your mom what she wants.

Buy her the shoes that she’s been checking out in the mall.

Get her that bag she loves.

Bring her on a date.

Treat her like a queen like how she deserves.

Paint your house with her favorite color.

Bring her to places she never been to.

Never make her feel alone.

 

Enjoy your life like bachelor.

Collect shoes and stuff.

Have a list of your dream car and save money to buy one of those.

Buy yourself a watch.

Continue doing well on your job.

Pursue the career you want.

Do everything that will make you happy.

 

By the time that nothing else is left for you to do.

You should know that I am here.

Being the happiest one to see how you’ve done the things that you were supposed to do.

Will always be ever proud of what you’ve become.

And by that time, I could say that you are ready to marry me.

And by then, together, let’s do everything all over again.

 

I love you! J

 

 

To my always and a lifetime

“I love you..”

Simply put into words and couldn’t not hardly expound it further.

I want to tell you how you have just showed how love could be this great, how a love story could be this phenomenal, how a love can survive from impossibilities, how dreams could come up to reality, how life could be this great with “you” and “me”.

First of, thank you. Countless gratitude from the bottom of my heart for all the love that you have shown and have never stop showing. I may have misjudged its sincerity for the reason of being scared of how things might end up, but you have not failed to prove myself wrong. You showed me how things can work just pretty fine as long as we have each other’s back.

You’ve brought me into a different world where fairy tale could be as good as reality. You gave life to my dreams – dreams about you. And you have made me live the life that I have been longing for – with you.

It has been a couple of months and I am thrilled to finally spend a year. May not be something new to you or me. But I know this is something I’ll be excited for, for the rest of my life.

I don’t want this to end, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have never seen someone and tell the same, genuinely. No ifs and buts, no maybes and what ifs. Nothing to change and couldn’t ask for more aside from more years that I could spend with you, that’s it.

I love everything about you, your face, your body, the physique, the way you stand, the way you talk, how your words amazes me, and your laugh, oh my, my heart skips every time you laugh like the world could stop and I can just listen to your laugh. I love it when you’re happy, when you’re excited and when you’re looking at me. It melts me but I love it. I love how you can make me stop with your stare but my heart will explode any moment. I love how your hands fit perfectly with mine when it’s around my shoulder and waist like no one can cause me any harm. I feel safe. I love it when you kiss me, like all the sugar and spices are all over like fireworks and it’s like an orchestra is playing. You have made everything over the top.

Days, months and years may pass, it would be my everyday challenge to keep this burning, I know you are well versed how to run this business, I am learning and I will be good at this. I will ensure no losses and liabilities. We’ll keep it high and rich – rich with love and happiness, we will keep it growing.

I am looking forward until we have finally put our plans into life. End up together, have kids –  plenty of kids, raise a family, go on adventure, and stay happy.

I love you so much that I can’t put myself to sleep until I have spilled all of these.

P.S

I love you ulit.

 

 

 

 

11.27.16

The day has finally come..

I thought I could still wait a little longer.

I still have my doubts, I was scared, too insecure, weak and really scared.

“we’ve been through a lot” is my tag line..

I did not plan for anything, it just hit me.

There’s too much on our plate, I knew there were things that were left undone and must be done. First I thought this isn’t the right time, but when will it be.

I smartly thought of waiting for the things to be fixed and patched up. Yet my heart was too excited to feel the “zing”.

And still I did.

But there’s something inside that keeps me unhappy. It’s always hard to fight against yourself. I had these thoughts about not being the better one – why would he choose someone who got less about everything, who am I to replace someone who have set so much, how will I be able to make him stay the way she kept her that long, and the thought goes on..

I couldn’t be the girl he could brag about.

I couldn’t stand tall.

I couldn’t show a pretty face.

I couldn’t be her.

And I know that something’s wrong, I couldn’t make him feel that he had made the wrong decision – a decision that he courageously did for me. I only have to be strong in return and why I am already failing at doing it.

I didn’t see him post about what we have.

I haven’t seen him brag about me either. – WHICH I HOPE HE WOULDNT THINKING HOW PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH ABOUT IT.

I wasn’t hoping for any trending post of him about his love, I just hope he is happy as I am the day I had him.

 

 

 

Santa saw me being nice and gave me my early Christmas present

And Santa just dropped off my present quite early.

And seems like my christmas has started.. and he literally started it all..

Thank you for putting up our humble christmas tree as how you just courageously stood up for us. You did the decorations and lit it up the same thing how you gave life and light into my life.. 

Our Christmas tree stands up with so much joy just what you did with my heart.

Filled up with memories, who would have thought it’s almost a year. Still unsure what it has been. But whatever it is, thank you for this wonderful present. 

By the way, I love you so much 😊

Should last for the rest of my christmases

To our love that is worth fighting for..

I know this is going to be hard.

All eyes on us, half of those were cursing us and pulling us down.

Some may believe and others wont even try to listen.

A cliche it may be, but this is us against the world.

I may be still trying to collect myself, and trying to believe that this is all happening.

After being so prepared to see myself so shattered and had the opposite result afterwards.

Thank you is not the appropriate word for what has happened, but I want you to know how grateful I am to have the man who has stood up for me and standing still..

Many has thrown up their curses and sent out their hatreds, of all people who would know how much we would like to apologize for choosing what our hearts have been beating for.. it would be us. And it is just us the we all have.

 

I believe in us, we can make this right.

We will prove them wrong.

I love you, and I know that this is worth fighting for.